How To Be Zen With your friend, Even When your Kids Fight
You love your friends and their friendships mean the world to you. You would do anything for them and they for you. That is until, their kid and your kid don’t get along. It’s the worst feeling because you love this person, but you may not always like how their kids act. Each parent, parents differently, and often times your way doesn’t match their way when it comes to the children. You may let your kids eat sugar cereals and they think that’s poison. Or they may let their kids run around like they're straight out of Lord of the Flies and you think children need rules and boundaries. And who’s to say either version is right OR wrong, for that matter! Maybe what's ok for you isn't ok for your friend and vice versa. As the adult version of said friend, you love who that person is, but as the kid version you’d rather wait till they passed all the “Growth Opportunities” with someone else's kid, to be honest!
When you get into a tiff with your friend because of the kids, emotions run high and feelings are bound to be hurt. How can you look at this from a Mindful and spiritual way-especially when your triggered or feeling protective over your kid?
Here's my top 5 secrets to Being Zen with Your Friend
Take a time out. Both the kids and adults need a time out. You need space because it's the only way you'll get to the bottom of what's bothering you. Breathe and focus your attention on something else- take a walk, listen to music you like. Just to take a break and get the space your emotions need to settle down.
Make sure to not "vent" or talk it out with people who will get you fueled up or stoke your already hot fire. Talk to people who have several kids, who have the experience under their belt and have the perspective of time and experience to offer you. Other than that, people typically tend to only hear the one side of the story and make giant misguided conclusions.
Don't make assumptions about the kids. They are just that...KIDS! They may be acting like a bafoon or a “rascHole” (rascal + asshole). But they are just kids and they have been known in all versions of history, to do immature, stupid, and impulsive things. Give them the benefit of them doubt. Don't put adult expectations on how kids "should" act.
Reach out to your friend within the hour. This is so important for so many reasons!! Mostly so you don't fester too long making unrealistic assumptions and conclusions about the other persons involved. Your mind can go on a complete overhaul of reasons as to why this is the most horrible thing that has ever happened. Until something really horrible does and then you have regret staring you in the face. Ok? So, get over yourself and send a text saying you want to talk about what happened.
Remember you ARE friends with this woman because you obviously love them. You obviously had some connection at some point or you wouldn't have made them your friend otherwise! They are a good person. And YOU are a good person. Communication is key here and in moments of disagreement, my biggest go-to is not to vilify them, but remember why you like them. This cools down the reactive thread immensely.
It's not worth letting your kids take over your life to that extent. I've seen many seasons in the life of a child and there are times when they're rascHoles and then they get over it and are the amazingly beautiful souls that you knew them to always be. They can wake up the next morning like nothing ever even happened!! Meanwhile your in a friend-divorce! They're human. As are you, and you need to rise above the child-level and push your friendship in front of the kids needs. They also need to work it out! Maybe they're learning a life lesson and your getting in the way of the universe giving them that message.
Friendships are so important for us, as mothers, as women. Keep pushing yourself to grow past your kids life lessons. Your self-care is so paramount in redesigning your life from being a life that happens TO you verses a life that happens because of you!
Happy Summer Solstice!