How To Be More Confident
"Lead with your strengths not your weaknesses" - Unknown
One of the comments people say to me is "you are so confident." It’s as if it’s something I acquired at some point in my life. I've heard other people remark about other women, "She has a confidence about her, that's what makes her successful." As women, we hear this a lot and it's true. You do need a certain amount of confidence in order to gain success. Confidence is a vibe and energy you put out there. But that’s only part of the story. I just didn’t buy into the other part.
For women, confidence seems more like a luxury item rather than a standard. It's something that is only for the "chosen" and not for the rest of the people. It’s some kind of magical thing they got somewhere along the way. When men are confident, it’s an expectation, especially if that man is an entrepreneur or business owner. For women, you’re in an elite group if you have confidence. And that’s the story we have all bought into.
The other part of the story is that you can actually learn how to be confident. It's not something you are just born with, but can be learned. Many of us have learned to stifle our greatness or make ourselves shrink to be smaller. Due to our conditioning from our environment and society, we don’t share or vocalize our greatness. We don’t express how proud we are of ourselves (this goes for men, too) because you would be “bragging” or “arrogant”. And that is not a color women want to wear. But because of that we are not taught how to be confident.
Even in the face of great accomplishments, we tend to downplay it or minimize the importance of what we have done. We make ourselves smaller than the actual win so that those around us feel more comfortable. These conditionings have taught us to not shine as bright, for fear of not fitting in or being ostracized from our group. And since community is so necessary for our evolution, especially as women, we don't stand proud when we should. We don't allow our confidence to shine our greatness out into the world. And that needs to change.
How to be more confident:
If you've felt you've dimmed your light for another person or a group of people, let's revisit that moment for a hot second. I love to use these moments to uncover your greatness and potential. Ask yourself these questions: Did you do it because you felt uncomfortable telling people? It's not something you usually do? You didn't want to come off sounding boastful or braggy? No one would listen anyway? It didn't seem like that big of a deal?
If you answered yes to any of these questions then follow these 3 steps to be more confident:
Step 1: Get comfortable with your accomplishments
We have to rewire the program in your head that says women and girls shouldn't brag. Actually, you can and you should! Start speaking, out loud, the things you have done in a way that announces to the world you do recognize your value and your worth.
It can be as small as teaching your 3-year-old how to wash their dish and put it in the dishwasher. Say, "you know I helped my little one how to clean his dish today. It felt really good to teach him the importance of independence and taking care of himself.”
It can be as simple as you went to the gym for 5 days in a row and ate healthy foods. Say, "I'm really happy with myself for going to the gym and staying in my commitment all week."
It can be as big as you landed that promotion or dream client. Say, "I'm so freakin' proud of myself for getting that dream client I've been manifesting for the last 3 months". Or you helped someone realize something about themselves and it helped transform their life just a little bit. You get the idea!
The point is that you start working that muscle and start being proud of your accomplishments. It's something that is taboo in our society. For some reason it got lost along the way. In order to make the people who felt like crap about themselves they kept you playing at their level. Instead of them being happy for you we all, collectively, decided to buy into the story it wasn't right way to be. It's ok to be proud of who you are and to let others know it! Let's inspire one another instead of shooting each other down to play at a lower frequency and vibe.
Step 2: Own your crazy!
Step into who you are authentically and own it. When you're trying to fit into what the outside world thinks you should be, you deny who you really are. And it's ultimately denying what's so magical about YOU! We all came into this world as our own unicorn. We have our own vibe that makes us who we are in our own unique way.
Don't ever minimize that, but rather own it.
We all have our own version of what "crazy" looks like and that's probably what makes people want to be around you. You will find your people that way. You will find who gets you. Once you OWN it! If you like having pink hair, do it! If you like big boobs and lash extensions-do it! If you like to dance your ass off to rap music -do it! Make time to get to know you and what you really like doing.
Once you step into that part of yourself that IS different and you decide to LIKE it, you own your truest self. That my friend, is true confidence and one that people will then be attracted to. When you like YOU, people like you- it's infectious to be around that kind of energy.
Step 3: Make time for what you love.
When you make the time to do things that really light you up from within, your confidence shines through. You are in your zone of genius and it's so nurturing for your soul. One of my great pleasures is cooking. It's therapeutic for me, it's meditative and it's creative. And there is always an end result! I love it! Find your thing. It's something that is effortless for you.
And I don't necessarily mean binge-watching Netflix or Games of Thrones. It has to be some action that you love doing and that doesn't require a lot of energy from you because you enjoy it when you are doing it. When you are in inspired action, you are generating something that fuels you from within. What comes easily to you? If you need some ideas, make sure you pay attention to those things you do that may be harder for others, but not for you.
If you need some ideas, you can look at the Manifesting Maven below.
In my Manifesting Maven course, you get 14 days of guided action to help you come up with more creative ideas of ways that spark your imagination. It's one of my favorite courses I offer because you tap into those pieces of yourself that are bursting to be expressed.
You to get in touch with that part of you that wants to have fun and enjoy your life.
One last tip: Celebrate Your World!
Begin by celebrating all the little things you do each and every day. When we connect to the energy of celebration, we are saying to the universe, YES I want more of this! Yes, I love my life! You begin to live in the moment just a little more. By acknowledging and celebrating, you are tapping into JOY and Excitement-which is the highest emotion you can have.
You can start by writing in your journal, each day, something you will celebrate. Don't be shy, in fact, brag about yourself!!
Then take this list and keep it with you whenever you have doubts. See what comes up for you in this process- you may even start loving how you feel. 💜
So step into your new-found confidence and see where it takes you.