How I Was Playing Small

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We should be grateful for all the situations that make us uncomfortable because without them we would not know there is something unhealed within us.
— Ken Wapnick, A Course in Miracles

Do you find yourself ever doubting your greatness and who you were meant to show up as in your world? Yeah! Me too.  It's so easy to go to the "comfortable" spot.  When life is throwing a lot of stuff your way it's easy to let taking care of yourself fall to the side of a pile of shit that needs to get done.  Especially if you have a great excuse like your dog is sick or your kids are throwing up.  It's one thing to let it go for a day or two.  It's completely another thing to get way off track.  Well, that's what happened to me. 

What started off as a well-intentioned New Years resolution turned on its head quite quickly.  I had all intentions of keeping my health in the forefront.  And when I say health, I mean incorporating all aspects of mySelf into a healthy vibrant way.  Through all the ups and downs, the curve balls, the unexpected, and just plain being a bratty 4-year-old who DIDN'T WANT TO.  I found myself neglecting my physical health.  And I had justified it by keeping up with my spiritual practice.  I almost never go without meditating at some point during the day.  Even if it's a "driving Meditation" or walking meditation.  I was keeping up with my acupuncture treatments, taking my supplements, and journalling 4-5 times a week.  But for some reason, I had lost the itch to keep up with moving my physical body.  I was just meh.  I don't get the hit of adrenaline like I used to.  I'm almost 50 what's the point!  I can't lose weight anyway unless I'm psychotically working out. And I just don't have time.  The list of excuses is lengthy, I assure you!

I had to get really REAL with myself and ask the question:  What am I truly getting out of this?

And it hit me like a TON of bricks!! I was staying in the victim consciousness where I could basically say (unconsciously, of course) "see, I can't possibly fit that in because of what everyone else puts on me. What the Universe keeps throwing at me." 

HELLO! 

As one of my fellow mentors puts so eloquently AFGO  (Another Freakin' Growth Opportunity- insert stronger word as necessary! ;).  And then I had to admit, it allowed me to play small, to avoid the truth that what I wanted was to not have to have another thing to fucking work on! So there! 

...UUHM except that the only one that was helping was....NO ONE.  Especially not me.  

Because I do my spiritual work, I also realized that was 100% coming from a place of lack, rather than abundance.  Which is exactly what I tell my clients not to do!  I was consistently telling the Universe, on some level, I am not worth ALL of it.  I am not worth the whole pie, the whole picture.  

That there has to be some part of me that I give up in order to be really good at the other things.   

Limiting Belief right there girlfriend!!   

And the best part was, the Universe had sent me a big red neon sign on this one.  I went to a spa weekend with some amazing women, all of whom make working out and moving their body a priority.  Especially my BFF who IS 50! She took it upon herself to take up OTF and master it!  Well, there went my whole thing about being close to 50.  I could continue to quietly beat myself up about it, but instead, I faced that yucky picture I designed.  I realized I had made this choice, all by mySelf, there was only one person who could say it didn't have to be that way.  MySELF.  

 

Thank you Universe, I receive that message and realize I have the power within to have ALL parts of my life be amazing and abundant. 

 

We all have those little things that are niggling in the back of our mind.  That thing that makes you feel "bad" about yourself or you know you could do better.  But you know you are playing small and keeping yourself stuck in victimhood.  Meaning, you are allowing yourself to be a victim TO your circumstances instead of in the game of life as a player. 

  • Players do get knocked down, but they get back up. 
  • Players decide they are no longer going to stay stuck and stagnate in a choice that no longer works for them.    
  • Players get in the game, not watch on the sidelines.

I stepped up and decided to make myself a priority and get in the game.  Because I know I deserve to have a healthy physical body, even at 49!  Along with a spiritual practice that keeps my head and mind sharp and a mindset that when challenged goes thru the fire to get to the other side.

 

So, with what I learned, I made a Playsheet to help you out if you feel like you want to see what's up for you.  Because that's what girlfriends do! It's a great add-on to my Wonder Mom Journal Pages if you haven't done that yet.

 

Playing in the game with you,

 
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P.S.  If you haven't checked out my Facebook Group yet, do it here: The Mindful Mompreneur