I recently had a talk with one of my clients. She is a strong and confident woman, especially how she shows up on social media. She inspires people and has written really compelling content. She is vulnerable and raw at times and it can be hard to read, I’ll admit. But with each stretch in her being a woman, she has started to have success.
And that is what has offended people, apparently.
People have lashed out at her for wearing certain clothes, having a designer purse, revealing too much of her private life, cursing her in her posts.
And it got me thinking. She's not the only one.
I have a friend who has a lifestyle Instagram following. She is beautiful, takes ridiculously gorgeous pictures, and only buys labels. At one point her closest friends couldn't take it and told her she was just too much for them that they couldn't be friends with her if she was going to keep being “so sexy” on social media. It had made them feel so badly about themselves they could no longer support her.
Rachel Hollis just spoke the other day on her FB Live, in tears, about how people were crushing her for a misspelled word -meaning 1 (one)- on a post about a week ago. Then, a couple of days later for saying she was plagiarizing a quote share. Which was, in reality, a quote someone had shared with her and she had copied and pasted it (like we all do) and shared it with her fanbase. Well, apparently it was an opening for a slew of nasty comments. In tears, she was explaining how she just couldn’t understand the hate that came at her. It was the crack these people slimmed themselves through to try and squash all her “success”. They took advantage of what they perceived as an opportunity to make her feel like crap for basically being human. And the crazy thing is she is just trying to inspire people around her.
And the comments were all from WOMEN. In all these cases.
And there are many more examples. Yes.
The fact that women are still operating from the patriarchal paradigm where women can only be in competition with each other is on US. When we only see each other as a threat instead of being in community and taking care to rise each other up, it means we are failing to open our eyes. I see it all the time, especially on social media. If someone opens their book to their life and shares a vulnerable moment, you get the biggest applause of the year. BUT, if you make a mistake on your way up the success ladder- how vile and obnoxious are you for wanting more!!! The opportunity people take to try and crush someone the minute they see a “mistake” is the biggest crock of hypocrisy as a human being. And all while hiding behind the veil of your smartphone or computer.
Especially as a woman.
Especially woman to woman.
We are better than that.
This belief system is so old, dated, and archaic in its design it's pathetic at this point.
Did it ever occur to women that it was set up this way to break us down?Think about it.
During the massive witch hunts, it was mostly because women were coming together in groups, communing, and celebrating rituals. And that was threatening in a lot of ways. Or what about the "hysteria" days, just in the last century, where hysterectomies were performed as way to quiet women.
What we have was destroyed and labeled "crazy", so that we wouldn't be more powerful in numbers. So that we wouldn't create a bond because we are part of an undeniably powerful group.
We are part of a group whose soul purpose is to create- whether it be life, a business, a family, or a community. Get that. Let it sink in.
And when you are part of this collective energy you actual feel more strength, more energy, more beautiful, and more empowered.
Women who are having feelings of jealousy, envy and competition- which is anyone and everyone at this point in our history with social media just adding fuel to the flame -you need to tap in and wake up. Of course, being human, may mean these emotions will come up. Envy and jealousy has been written about since the beginning of time. But that's it. They are just emotions- not everything needs to be acted upon.
And most things need time to ask yourself-
Is this necessary? or Is this kind?
The crazy thing is, when you check in with yourself, you can't feel good after blasting someone. It never does, that’s the irony of the whole thing. This doesn't need to be who you are.
And the women who are out there saying: "oh I don't do that!"
Take it one step further, then.
If you hear someone behaving as a "bad woman" call them out! Hold them accountable for the gossip and trash talk about another sista. Let them know you're not up for that conversation and are unwilling to give it any more fuel or energy.
Because I'll say it again:
We are part of a group whose soul purpose is to create- whether it be life, a business, a family, or a community.
And when you are part of this collective energy you actual feel more strength, more energy, more beautiful, more empowered when you support and lift one another up.
Women who have woke up and started to see that in each and everyone of us is the possibility you see in another woman, report feeling less anxiety and stress. Look it up. Fact. The community we can build with each other is unstoppable! When women come together and empower one another, you see that with each “win”, the collective wins.
So next time you see another successful woman post something online and you feel a little dig, or a little pull, remember this:
You are only seeing her gifts and her joy as something that is already possible inside of you.
*If you’re looking for more like this download my lessons on Growth Mindset